I’ve been a practicing human being for 68 years, a sincere Christian for 62 years, and a devoted wife to Q for 46 years. You’d think with that many years of earnest endeavor, I could master this one pesky, little thing.
It’s like this. I’m breezing along. Q and I are communicating well. I’m being super-wife. There’s a possibility I’ll be nominated for the “Proverbs 31 Woman” award.
As I’m rehearsing my acceptance speech, Q asks for some help with a choice he’s going to make. Since I’ve already mentally checked off “be a good helpmeet” on my life list, I go on auto-pilot. I defer to logic, past experience, and reason. I make quick work of it and announce the only “sensible” thing he can do, then dust my hands after a job well done. Trouble is, I got the question wrong, and Q is not having my brand of help.
What happened? It feels like we are reading from different scripts. In fact, we’re not in the same theatre, and I’ve never even heard of the play he’s the star of. Consternation leaps on me, and I charge headlong into strife. Mrs. Proverbs 31 kicks verse 26 into the corner.
(When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule for everything she says. Prov. 31:26 TLB)
Once the dust settles, I realize what I brought to that situation was not what was asked for. I had been asked to help, but not in a “lab results” sort of way. It had been in a “come along and be my chum” sort of way. It was a different script. I just hadn’t noticed the transition. I was too busy saying what I thought made perfect sense.
So, I make a decision, that in future, in a situation like “that one”, what Q really needs from me is X not Y. X being based on my logic, and Y being a smile and a nod. I put a mental Post-It note in place.
You guessed it. That note loses its sticky and falls to the floor behind the fridge. And déjà vu “happens all over again”.
This is the loop that I find myself caught in. Your loop may look different. But I’ll bet you do have a loop with someone, something, or maybe even with yourself.
In 1 Peter 3:7 Amp., God speaks of me being an heir of the grace of life. This indicates there is available to me the power, an ability, a nature which will allow me to live with an ease of movement through my life with Q, others, and even myself. The facility to navigate surely and easily. A way that refreshes and that doesn’t deplete.
So I’ve been meditating on that. I know it’s available to me. But how do I access it?
In the midst of my pondering, the Holy Spirit brought this to mind. “You just have to listen to Me. I know exactly what you need to do, how you need to do it, and where and when. I’ll even give you the ability and desire to do it. I’ll change you from the inside so that you’ll have a supernatural bent for living life as it should be lived. You’ll go from glory to glory.”
So it turns out I don’t have to be an expert on human relations. I don’t have to memorize anyone’s quirks and be careful to adjust to subtle vibrations or crazy nuances barely detectable to the human eye or ear. I just have to relax, focus on Jesus, and listen to my Helper. I have to let go of what I think I know and relinquish being in charge of making things work out. I need to rest.
Grace has inherent in its meaning the idea of ease and rest. What wonderful news.
I’m going to continue pondering this. I invite you to do the same. I’d love it if you’d let me know what you hear.
P.S. My reference to scripts does not in any way mean I think we should “act” or pretend in our relationships with others. It is merely a vehicle for explaining that communication between two people is based on certain inherent shared understandings. (Did I just write a disclaimer?)